Henceforth.

I shall never burden people around me to listen to me talk of how much I want a Vespa (or anything relating to it) ever again. I'll try and stick to it. Maybe until the day I get one. So this is just to put every last word I want to say about it until that day comes along.

Last night I realised I have been longing for my own Vespa f0r some 2 years, when I was searching for some old emails and stumbled upon some eBay enquiries I made on various Vespa parts. Something I remember very fondly, was telling dad one day I'd like to strip Ramsey bare of paint and give him a new shiny paint job (with some shiny chrome and bits) - he thought the idea was absurd. Whatever dad. One day...... one day...................

And later that night in bed, I lay there thinking about it - but in a much greater depth, the thoughts behind it, the meanings behind it, not scratching the surface in terms of what accessories I'd put on it (that list could be endless).

I thought about why I wanted it, what I'd do with it, what it would be like to have it, what kinds of responsibilities it would come with, what having it would mean,... and I cried. I went for my pal Sonic. I told him. I'm crying as I write this... and call me a pussy, I don't know why, but I am.

Trying to be honest to myself, I acknoledged that my desire to own a Vespa was a not really a want, and not really a need either, but rather somewhere in between. I believe that I'm a lot less materialistic these days than I used to be. I think that's come as something in the last year or so and I particularly realised how much I could be after my debt was partially paid off and I paid off my own credit card (which I worked very hard to pay off). I have wanted a Vespa, not because I enjoy a big brand or labels. Although it is true that I could settle for something less, I just didn't feel that anything else I could get would serve me for what I need. It is true that I want something a little stylish, but what I want, is to be "that guy that rode halfway across the country/Europe on a shopping scooter". Frankly, I can only associate that with a Vespa. Not a Suzuki Burgman, Honda, BMW motorbike or anything else. I want to see the country, not speed by it.

But more importantly, it is what the Vespa represents to me. It represents independence, freedom and a turn in my life. I would like it to be my own - in the sense that I get to decide what I do with it, what kinds of things I can put on it, if I decide to do a restoration on it or modify it, then so be it (of course I don't mind others riding it, it is from an ownership point of view here). I want something I can ride out on a Sunday which I can enjoy and not worry about crashing dad's bike. Dad has his Sunday ride, and I want mine (only mine won't just be used Sundays, it's what I intend to cherish). I feel it would contribute to who I am, something I can personalise and make my own, and something unique.

Today I counted my 300'th pound towards it... I'm quite proud. And I realised, on the day I'd have a grand in cash. That's my target... about £1200. That day is one I'm looking forward to, although I need to raise more than a grand initially. I am trying hard (even harder now, I haven't bothered replacing the many trousers that have holes in them) to save this money. Hope you guys can understand me being stingy, so don't you think for one moment I don't care about you guys, because you know I do and that's done in other ways =)

And finally, remember my memory of telling dad I'd like to give Ramsey a new paint job one day? I wouldn't mind a rust bucket to restore. But perhaps in the distant future rather than the near future! Dad can ride all the powerful motorcycles he ever wants, I'm happy with a little scooter that chugs along and has a few smoke clouds behind... Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything and every way dad has contributed towards my licence, my skills, everything that I have and where I am now, but I don't think he should undermine my choice of transport. I loved Ramsey more than any other bike I've ridden (I was able to ride him for a mere 2 weeks after I got my licence due to some asshole driver crashing into me on Whiteladies) despite the fact he was slowest of them all, even more so since passing my test when I could carry people and it was sad to see him go. Dad saw it as an opportunity to get rid of him and take the money rather than an opportunity fix or replace him. That brings a tear to my eye... right now. *sob* He very very much loved by everyone that knew him (I know 3 others, I'm sure there are more) RIP Ramsey.. *sob*


I thought I'd share this with you guys,
You shouldn't hear me talk about it for a little while.